A Not So Practical Potion
by IrnBruOrDeath
Summary: An offshoot andor sequal to my story Valentine's Vaudeville. Neville strikes again! and that's all you're gonna get from me!


**AN: MWA-HA! 'Tis I! After having ONE Review. That wasn't my sister( sinister scribe, bless her ugly cotton socks). I now tender this meagre offering for PissedOffFairy( she thinks I'm funny...bless) A sort-of sequel to "Valentine's Vaudeville" that feels like it might reach to more than one chapter. My fan-ficcer senses are tingling!**

**REVIEW!!!!!!**

**For the change of pace if nothing else.**

**Metaphysical cookies for all those who hit the button!**

**AN2: Hate the Half Blood Prince so as far as I'm concerned it never happened and i write accordingly**

**DISCLAIMER: Ownership? What a funny word! What is this ownership of which you speak?**

**WARNING: Mentions slash. Nothing graphic. Yet. You no likey, you no ready and see a therapist about these issues you clearly have!**

**A Not so Practical Potion!**

_(or why Neville promises to use his powers of disaster for good and not for evil!)_

You would think, wouldn't you, that by your seventh year of potions you would be used to Professor Snape's moods. There were only three after all: sadistic glee; cold fury; and apocalyptically explosive. You would also think that after seven years of exposure Neville Longbottom (lost cause of this parish) could get through one lesson without getting so nervous he melting/exploding/vanishing his cauldron. (The best was when he managed all three at once!)

You would of course be about as wrong as the thought of Dumbledore in a tanga!

Hermione spared a moments thought that she was spending to much time with Kelsey, Harry's on-again off-again significant other, when she started coming up with those kind of comparisons! The Hufflepuff Chaser was infamous for her quirky way of thinking. Hermione still smarted somewhat from _That Display_ on Valentine's Day, but it seemed impossible to stay mad at the dratted girl.

Although come to think of it, Snape seemed to be managing all right as she was still banned from his classes despite having marks that rivalled Hermione's own. Mind you, she didn't think anyone else would have _lived_ after doing what Kelsey had.

The whole school had been in an uproar when it had been revealed not long after the Valentine's Day Feast that an amorous Professor Trelawney had laced not only Professor Snape's tea with a love potion, but her own as well. Why she would basically poison her own drink no-one knew, though Hermione privately thought the batty old coot couldn't see far enough past her inner eye to tell which one was which so had done both to be safe.

Unfortunately for the Divination Professor, and perhaps fortunately for Snape, Trelawney never drank her tea. Bet she didn't see _that_ coming! UN-fortunately for Professor Snape the tea was drunk by none other than the DADA Professor (ridiculous anacronym, but hey the school is called Hogwarts!) Remus Lupin.

Apparently, everyone's favourite werewolf and everyone's not-so-favourite potions master were caught having a very good time in the Dungeons by the Headmaster.

First time in history that Dumbledore's been shocked twinkle-less.

Harry and Ron had been taking Calming Droughts for weeks after finding out. Hermione, as well as the rest of the school, was caught somewhere between horror and titillation. (OK, so she personally lent more towards the latter, but that was between her and the slash stories in her Favourites on her home computer) Kelsey however, had been delighted that:

"Cranky McAngstwizard finally got some!"

And had been witnessed bouncing down the corridors chanting "give me Snupin, or give me death!" under her breath every time she saw one of the professors. This was not why she'd been banned from potions though. In a fit of magnanimity, or something, and in an effort to show her support to the pair she had sent them a gift basket.

A gift basket from Tickled Fancy.

A deluxe, just-for-the-adventurous-wizard gift basket.

Tickled Fancy being the kind of Wizarding store that would make the entire chain of Anne Summers shops blush! That is if shops could blush being buildings and all. That clinched it, she was definitely spending too much time with the girl!

(Though it was perhaps worth noting that Kelsey claimed that the basket had not been returned to the shop.)

Hermione shook her head slightly. Best to not think of such things lest she have to bleach her brain1 Or have to explain herself to an irate legimens. Besides, as far as she could tell Snape had been avoiding a remarkably still enthused werewolf for the past couple of months. He'd even stopped dining in the Great Hall, and not even Dumbledore could "Dear Boy" him out of his quarters. She winced slightly as she tuned back in to the class in time to see Snape descend on poor Neville, whose Reduction Potion which instead of being pale green couldn't seem to make up it's mind what colour to be and was rapidly rotating through all the colours of the rainbow.

"Longbottom!" Snape hissed.

**Knock-Knock**

Neville practically fainted with relief as Snape turned away and glared at the large door of the classroom. He seemed shocked that anyone would dare interrupt his class.

**Knock-Knock-Knock**

"Enter!" he snarled. The door creaked open to reveal none other than the tattered figure of Remus Lupin. Snape froze, staring at the werewolf as he smiled and strolled towards him. The class was silent all eyes on the professors. And none on Neville's potion which while it still hadn't settled on a colour was now shooting sparks into the air. Cauldron rattling slightly.

All was still as Lupin came to a stop a foot away from the frozen Snape. The tension stretched to breaking point when...

_**KAPOW!**_

****

****

****

The smoke cleared.

Hermione blinked. Surely she couldn't be seeing this. Gasps came from various students as they looked to the two professors who had been covered by Neville's potion.

They were 3 inches tall.

They appeared to be all eyes.

Hermione spared a thought briefly that Kelsey was going to be devastated that she had missed this.

You could have heard a pin drop.

Two. Until Hermione could contain herself no longer and said

"Good God Neville! You've **Chibi-fied** the professors!!"

_ fin_

**So! whaddaya think! **

**If anyone wants to see the chibi sanpe and lupin that inspired this go to and look at corelifay's snupin cartoons. They're a hoot! I agree with Kelsey, give me Snupin or give me death!**

**And once again. Hit That Button!**


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